The Idiot Box

Right now, I'm sitting in my apartment trying to watch Japanese TV. I attempt this feat about once every two or three months, mainly because I know it'll help improve my Japanese. One time I lasted nearly 2 hours. But rememeber that numbers can deceive: Most of that time I wasn't paying any real attention to the TV; it was merely back-ground noise. But even that is an accomplishment in its own right. Japanese television is, in my humble opinion, the worst programming in the history of the universe. Even as background noise, it's just downright painful. Overall, it's at least twice as bad as American programming--and that's saying something.

Currently, I'm watching an Oprah-style show, with the exception that the host is a fortune-teller of sorts. She's an old Japanese woman with too much make-up, a rough voice, stern features, a penchant for delivering up terrible predictions for all but the most handsome of her (young, male) guests, and the most melodramatic background music I've ever heard. Several Japanese people have told me that she is incredibly mean--which is surprising given her populariy. As far as I can tell, however, she is in rare form today. Today's audience consists of 100 high school girls, to whom she is doling out advice on men. She has succeeded in making one girl cry hysterically but is now, shockingly, attempting to console the girl. Ah, there you are. She's just re-read the girl's palm, and apparently things are not as dire as previously thought. Whew, close one. Glad that's been taken care of.

Who watches this stuff anyway? What possible audience can they have in mind?

Now did I start this post just to gripe about Japanese programming, or do I have a point?... Hmm, you may be expecting a certain answer, but I'm not sure. Give me a minute to think about it, ne?...

Okay, I've thought about it, and I think I've made a horrible mistake. This old Japanese lady isn't a fortune-teller at all. She's Ann Landers, Japanese-style! I've had her all wrong: She's merely giving advice, not prognosticating. So I apologize for unwittingly deceiving you. Her new audience is a horde of public school teachers, all eager and nicely dressed. That's my peer group! Wow, someone just asked a question about dealing with "gaijin no sensei" (i.e. foreign teachers--e.g. me!). Wonder what she'll say...? Maybe I'd better turn up this background noise a little after all... I'll keep you posted.