Eavesdropping

I read on someone's blog about an idea to post snippets from interesting or bizarre conversations they overhear. That idea immediately struck home with me, and after thinking about it, the reason seems to be quite simple: I spend countless hours every week hearing a language very (very, very, very) foreign from my own. But I've been here long enough that slowly, ever-so-slowly I find myself gaining invite, step-by-step, level-by-level, into the elusive and well-fortified establishment known as the Japanese Language. (Unfortunately, like most elite places, this one isn't nearly as thrilling inside as when one is completely blocked out in the cold. But then again, I haven't really entered the heart of the fortress: I'm still waiting on the fringes, a stone's throw from the outer wall.)

Anyway, so I've started realizing things. I've started to realize that when these crazy people around me are talking and laughing and shouting about things, they're actually saying something--real, human communication is going on. This may sound weird if you've never spent time in a place where people speak a foreign language, but it's true--you almost can't help but think some people are just out of their minds. (Actually, speaking the same language as someone is no guarantee you won't think they're out of their minds. And besides, let's not lose sight of the fact that some people are, in fact, out of their minds. Owari!) To me, there was no way the words coming out of their mouths came close to anything resembling real human expression. Sometimes I would find myself feeling utterly incredulous when someone would put up the pretense of "speaking" to someone else, when I knew they weren't possibly making any sense. But now sometimes, at rare, beautiful moments, their meaning, their words--and to some degree, all the other things that come resounding out from the deep places of a spirit--are so obvious I couldn't deny them if I wanted. Sometimes I hear people talking and, without even really meaning to, start to understand the basics of what they're saying, and it's so amusing to me.

I don't mean to say that the thing that's amusing is what they are actually saying. Rather, they're frequently as mundane and uninteresting as most of what any of us has to say, me not least of all. But just the fact that I can finally start to get it, and probably also because every intelligible sound I hear uttered contrasts so sharply against the backdrop of my previous skepticism, it's just so amusing to me. Sometimes to the point of distraction. So now I want to post some of the conversations I've heard recently. If an extremely, painfully mundane conversation happens to slip out at some point, gomen nasai (sorry).

Amazing Conversation #1:
Teacher: Hmm, that truck that brings the school lunch is late getting off today.
Secretary: You think so?
Teacher: No doubt! It's three o'clock, ya know!
Secretary: Hmm... yeah, they are late.

Amazing Conversation #2:
Student Teacher: You're Peter-sensei, aren't you? (Because I don't remember seeing another white person around here...) Well, I want to ask you in extremely polite Japanese if I can borrow the TV that resides in the English... class room... what's it called?... Oh well, I'll never remember it with you trying to look me right in the eye like that. Anyway, you probably know the one since there isn't another English class room in the school. So tomorrow I would really like to borrow the TV in there, if that's okay with you (?). Well then, about getting that key from you...
Peter: Do you need to get the TV now or just by tomorrow morning? (Why am I asking this?)
S Teacher: Well, you see, tomorrow morning I would like to borrow the TV that resides...
Peter: I see. Maybe I will unlock the door around 8:10 tomorrow morning, so it seems a person could get in after that... How is that?
S Teacher: Oh! That's a wonderful idea! I'd heard of your brilliance before now, but nothing could've prepared me for so unfathomably wise an answer as that! Thank you so much!
Peter: Yoroshiku onegaishimasu to you too.
*Note: Somewhat unreasonable liberty may have been taken with this translation.

Amazing Conversation #3:
Secretary: Blah, blah, blah... Peter-sensei!... Peter-san...
Vice-Principal: Yes, blah... blah, blah... important document... to the head office... Call back on the phone?...
Secretary: Peter-sensei!... Peter-sensei!... (Please note: Although I'm in the room sitting at my desk, everyone is nevertheless speaking about me, rather than to me.)
VP: (on the phone) Yes, hello, hello! This is Mr. _____, vice-principal at ___ Jr. High. Anyway--yes, I'm very good, and you? Oh, that's wonderful, wonderful. Yes, thank you. Well, I'm calling to talk about that little issue with Peter-sensei--(Sits forward in his chair and lowers his voice drastically, though I can still just make out what he's saying)--but the thing is, he's in the room right now.

Of all the little snippets I've accidentally overheard in my 15 months here, that was the absolute best. I nearly fell out of my chair with laughter. I'm sure the only thing that kept me from letting out at least a chuckle or two was my concern that something might genuinely have been wrong. (Nothing was.)

But don't you go thinking I'm the only would-be eavesdropper at my school. Many a time when I talk to an English teacher (in English) do I see another teacher's strained face, their gaze transfixed on a spot on the opposite wall, and a neck straining just a little too hard for the head on the end of that neck to be going about its usual business.