Mr. Norris
I've spent the better part of the past year attempting to invent my own hilarious Chuck Norris joke. I've always felt a special solidarity with Chuck. He grew up in a small town in south-western Oklahoma; I grew up in a small town in south-western Oklahoma. He's a guy who looks pretty wimpy but could beat up Mr. T; I'm a guy who looks pretty wimpy and would like for people to think I could beat up Mr. T. In case you don't know, there are literally hundreds of hilarious Chuck Norris jokes out there. Here are a few examples:
-When Chuck Norris jumps into a swimming pool, he doesn't get wet: The water gets Chuck.
-Chuck Norris is so fast he can run all the way around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-When the Boogeyman goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-Most kids wear Superman pj's to bed: Superman wears Chuck Norris pj's.
-Did you know Chuck Norris' tears can hear cancer? Too bad he never cries.
If you don't think those are stinkin' funny, then you just don't know what funny is. So anyway, I've been trying for while now to break into this world and bless the world with a Chuck Norris joke all my own. So far my efforts have been abyssmally unsuccessful. Up till today, my best effort was: "When Chuck Norris claps at the opera, everyone bows." I know, I know--pretty lame. But today while discussing Chuck Norris jokes with some of my grad school friends, another one came to me. It's not great, but perhaps it's a shade better than my last attempt. Ahem: "Chuck Norris doesn't take finals: He destroys them." Cheesy. Predictable perhaps. But it has just enough tongue-in-cheek to it that, if aided by a combination of two semesters' worth of sleep deprivation and the strange euphoria that comes with Finals Week, it might, just might, make a person laugh. So there's a little glimpse into my world this week. Peace out!
-When Chuck Norris jumps into a swimming pool, he doesn't get wet: The water gets Chuck.
-Chuck Norris is so fast he can run all the way around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
-When the Boogeyman goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-Most kids wear Superman pj's to bed: Superman wears Chuck Norris pj's.
-Did you know Chuck Norris' tears can hear cancer? Too bad he never cries.
If you don't think those are stinkin' funny, then you just don't know what funny is. So anyway, I've been trying for while now to break into this world and bless the world with a Chuck Norris joke all my own. So far my efforts have been abyssmally unsuccessful. Up till today, my best effort was: "When Chuck Norris claps at the opera, everyone bows." I know, I know--pretty lame. But today while discussing Chuck Norris jokes with some of my grad school friends, another one came to me. It's not great, but perhaps it's a shade better than my last attempt. Ahem: "Chuck Norris doesn't take finals: He destroys them." Cheesy. Predictable perhaps. But it has just enough tongue-in-cheek to it that, if aided by a combination of two semesters' worth of sleep deprivation and the strange euphoria that comes with Finals Week, it might, just might, make a person laugh. So there's a little glimpse into my world this week. Peace out!
posted by Peter Rice at 1:15 PM
5 Comments:
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31 to April 2--because nobody fools with Churck Norris.
I overheard Kelsey "The Rockstar" in our workroom today sharing the Chuck Norris rain joke. I chuckled and thought of you. :)
Remember he is a bad dude
Peter, here's one I heard:
You they started bottling and selling Chuck Norris' urine. Yeah, they call it Red Bull.
Peter, it's time to update. I miss your thoughts, even if they are Chuck Norris-ish. I know school's starting and it's a busy time, but you've had all summer to think about it. :)
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