"Jenglish"

So I've decided I will actually start making use of the fact that I live in Japan. The tourism opportunities are pretty unique, but here's something that you really can't find anywhere else: A little thing we like to call "Jenglish"--English, Japanese-style The truly amazing thing about it to me (and many other foreigners I know) is that, not just the Japanese people, but even multi-million yen companies actually think it's good English--when in reality it's often unintelligible. Here's a sample from a bag of fruit jellies I bought yesterday at the grocery store (and I think you'll see why I was so sold on these bad boys):

"This fruit jelly is cordially introduced to consumers with the delicacy that persists in the producer's preference through the typical taste and texture represented by the products."

This is actually really, really good Jenglish. It starts off so well, and it almost makes sense! Where it gets into trouble as far as I can tell (and I'm no linguistics scholar) is that the connections between the what and the whatnot are just a little bit mystery in the enshrouded place at where man whose intentions found within a cloak clouds brought and darkness has not opened to mind. In other words, some of the words are a bit abstract, and some of the connections are a tad hazy. Interestingly, that is exactly how the Japanese language works! (Or so I'm told by those who have more authority on the subject than me.) So of course to a Japanese mind that has a good grasp of the meaning of English words, the above Jenglish makes perfect sense. And indeed it does almost, almost, almost make even real sense! But not quite.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, in a nutshell, is the problem with being a gaijin ("outside person") living in the land of the Japanese. It almost makes sense--but not quite.

By the way, my Japanese is way worse than any Jenglish I've ever come across, and I am indeed really enjoying my time living here. Some things just have to be shared!